when a mother hates her children

a deep dive into Shari Franke's memoir, The House of My Mother

Screenshot from Hulu’s documentary, Devil in the Family

On January 7, 2025, Shari Franke published her memoir, The House of My Mother: A Daughter’s Quest for Freedom. While her mother, Ruby Franke, documented most of her and her siblings’ lives on their now-defunct 8 Passengers YouTube channel, Shari gives a more personal, terrifying perspective on what it was like to live with the attention-obsessed family matriarch.

Before going into this, I had an idea on who Ruby Franke was and what she was all about. She heavily documented her family’s lives on social media, exposing humiliating, personal moments to the whole world for monetary gain. And despite the fact that there were many examples of her abusive nature before Jodi Hildebrandt came into the picture, she was somehow touted as the “perfect mommy vlogger.”

She received numerous brand deals and sponsorships because she portrayed a “family friendly” persona. But whenever I see one of her old vlogs, I’m filled with a heavy set of unease. How were people watching this and not picking up on the warning signs long before everything exploded?

It’s unfortunate to see a growing list of these mommy influencers, specifically from the Mormon denomination, not only grow in popularity but showcase their disturbing parenting to the whole world. Ruby Franke is not the only one. Her sister, Bonnie Hoellein, also documents her family’s lives on YouTube, clearly unafraid to show her children’s intimate moments to the world. And in the past, she has detailed how she punishes her children (something her now-jailed sister used to do, as well). A TikTok mommy vlogger named Hannah Hiatt is yet another Mormon mother who is infamous for her 17 diapers video, her videos showing she and her husband eating while her son gets nothing, and the video where her husband tries giving a box to her son and he flinches, protecting his face.

Clearly, I won’t be listening to any parenting advice coming from these types any time soon. Everyone should consider doing the same!

Anyway, Ruby Franke had a reputation of being an abusive mother long before she enmeshed her life with Jodi Hildebrandt. And it seems as if Jodi exacerbated the worst parts of Ruby’s personality, enabling her to do worse things to her children under the pretense that she is saving them from “demonic” influences. I’m fully convinced that if her youngest son hadn’t escaped and received help, he and his younger sister would’ve died and we’d be seeing another Lori Vallow situation. The physical abuse she inflicted on these poor children should’ve been treated as attempted murder.

Part 1: The Garden of Earthly Delights

Shari begins her memoir with a biography on her mother and father. She details their meeting, how Ruby was a flirtatious social butterfly looking for a husband at 18 years old, how they got engaged in two weeks after meeting each other. Ruby and Kevin married. Then in 2003, Shari was born.

“Ruby didn’t believe in comforting me when I was a baby, not in the way most parents do. Why should she? Her family’s philosophy had always been that it doesn’t hurt a baby to cry things out. Babies shouldn’t be coddled. Tantrums shouldn’t be tolerated. It’s for their own good, so they know who’s boss, and when they grow up, they can learn to handle whatever life throws at them without being weak losers or crybabies.”

It’s clear that Ruby was a mother who needed to rule with an iron fist. At the same time, she wanted to be perceived as a good mother, even though her actions were the antithesis of that. I don’t think she truly cared about the emotional well-being of her children—I’m not even sure she even saw them as actual people. Ruby treated these kids as extensions of herself, wanting to mold them how she saw fit. But it’s clear that nothing these kids did was ever good enough for this woman.

“Ruby was always angry with us, constantly on edge, primed to blow, no matter how small the irritation,” Shari writes.

Ruby Franke would punish these kids often—and severely. It breaks my heart that Shari’s childhood is more about surviving than anything else, surviving her mother’s treatment and her father’s apathy. I think this is a key aspect to what was going on in this family. While Ruby clearly dominated everything about this family, my question is: where was the dad? Why was he allowing this?

This is why I can’t really take him seriously when he’s portraying himself as the victim in the current day because he had seen years and years of Ruby’s abusive treatment and did nothing. Even as she punished his children, controlled their lives, hindered their growth, this man not only did nothing but he actively walked away from the family. He even tried to get Shari arrested at one point.

So, please, spare me the tears, Mr. Franke. This man is also to blame in his family’s destruction.

Part 2: Ship of Fools

“In January 2015, Ruby’s vision materialized with the official launch of 8 Passengers on YouTube. The channel would become a stage for our family drama, a curated window into the Franke household and our everyday lives. Kevin, ever supportive, claimed the honor of being the first subscriber. Ruby was the second. And I, about to turn twelve and caught up in the excitement of this new family venture, eagerly claimed the third spot. To me, it all seemed so innocent—just a fun new project, a way to share our lives with the world.”

Shari details how family vlogging really coincides with the Mormon desire to document their lives for future generations to see, witness, and learn from. But it’s incredibly interesting to me that, despite Ruby’s true nature and her previous treatment of her children, she still thought that family vlogging would be a good idea.

I mean, it feels inevitable that things were going to slip up and the mask was going to fall eventually. Ruby thought that her parenting skills were superior, therefore she didn’t see an issue with depriving her children of food, taking their bedrooms away when they misbehaved, etc. And of course, these little incidents were inevitably revealed for the whole world to see.

During this part of the memoir, we get to see the effects of social media on a young Shari Franke. She was so young, but she always felt the need to perform for the camera and for her mother. In order to get into Ruby’s good graces, Shari and her siblings had to go along with the constant surveillance and documentation. Ruby didn’t care that Shari’s peers could see their lives plastered on YouTube. She didn’t care that this was clearly having an impact of Shari’s mental health and sense of personal worth, so much so that she developed depression during this time and Ruby didn’t even want to let her go to a therapist. And even when Shari went to therapy, Ruby abruptly pulled her out before things could get better for her daughter.

This part of the memoir is heartbreaking, but it's harrowing to know that this isn’t even the worst part. Things, somehow, get even worse beyond this.

Her younger brother, Chad, started to get into more and more trouble at school, which was clearly a disaster for the picture-perfect Franke family. Chad got expelled, got himself into more trouble, until his parents couldn’t take it anymore. They enlisted the health of a certain “medical professional” to help treat Chad’s issues: Jodi Hildebrandt.

Part 3: The Conjurer

“A licensed clinical mental health counselor, Jodi had built a reputation in Utah’s LDS community as something of a miracle worker. Her ConneXions program promised to help people overcome everything from porn addiction to ‘distorted thinking,’ and she preached a philosophy based on three core principle: impeccable honesty, rigorous personal responsibility, and vulnerable humility.”

On the surface, this doesn’t sound that bad. Honestly, with no context at all, Jodi seems like an efficient counselor who bases her teachings on the teachings of Christ.

But that couldn’t be farther from the case.

Jodi seems to be a man-hating egomaniac who created this cult, ConneXions, in order to manipulate, control, and dominate the lives of vulnerable Mormon couples. Upon doing researching on Jodi Hildebrandt, I saw many testimonials of Jodi tricking married women into thinking their husbands were committing adultery, that they were hiding things, in order to drive a wedge between the couple. Then, unless the couple backed out of this “treatment,” the marriage would be irreparably damaged.

Unfortunately, this is what most likely happening to Ruby and Kevin once Jodi got into the mix. It also seems that Jodi knew that Ruby was the perfect protégé because of Ruby’s social media influence and her wealth.

Jodi encouraged Ruby and Kevin to send Chad to a wilderness retreat for young teens called Anasazi, where they were forced into the wilderness for ten weeks to teach them survival skills. Shari details that this was just a way to break down Chad’s spirit, as he had become too “unmanageable” for both Ruby and Kevin to deal with. And what better way to punish your child then to strip them of their autonomy and personality because it doesn’t coincide with your worldview?

Again, it’s infuriating to me that Kevin watched his wife subject one of their children to this treatment and just went along with it. Kevin Franke seems to suffer from an extreme apathy which extends even into his professional career, as detailed by former students (he was a professor at Brigham Young University). He just doesn’t care. This is not the kind of man who should be leading a family—or perhaps, he shouldn’t be leading anything at all. Even a college classroom proved too much for this man’s capabilities.

Anyway, after Chad returned from this program, Ruby decided to hire Jodi full-time to be Chad, and later Shari’s, therapist. There was a gradual, but noticeable, shift in their lives as Ruby became more and more engrossed in Jodi’s teachings—which was a way for her to say that her terrible parenting techniques had a basis in science and psychology. This is why Kevin and Ruby had no issue taking away Chad’s bedroom for 7 months, because “professionals” had advised them to do so. In reality, that professional was just a woman, who once had her licensed removed, who was estranged from her children, who had ruined countless marriages. But, sure, Jodi Hildebrandt was certainly a voice of reason here.

During this time, Ruby also started to distance herself from her siblings and parents, as well, all thanks to Jodi’s influence. Ruby started to isolate her children, as well, by taking sports away from Chad, by taking track-and-field away from Shari.

Unfortunately, Ruby had forced Shari to undergo therapy sessions with Jodi, as well, and Jodi’s indoctrination temporarily managed to get through to Shari. This part is really fascinating because it’s clear that Shari is an intelligent girl, but Jodi presented her methods in such a rational, logical way that you feel compelled to agree with what she’s saying, even though Jodi’s teachings were so fundamentally broken. Shari details how she lost friends and respect at school because of ConneXion’s influence on her life, how she saw herself as superior to others because she knew the “Truth.” But this felt fine to Shari because she finally got her mother’s approval.

Isn’t that sad? Shari had to destroy herself in order to make her mother happy.

In 2020, Shari describes the scandal that finally struck the 8 Passengers channel in which Chad and Ruby exposed the fact that Chad lost his bedroom for 7 months over a prank on his younger brother. And this opened the Pandora’s box in which more and more people scrutinized the channel with a more critical eye, picking out countless ways Ruby had proven herself to be an abusive parents using her former vlogs as evidence.

So as the world pushed her away because of 8 Passengers, Ruby found more solace in ConneXions as a result because Jodi was the one enabling her thoughts and ensuring her that her parenting was right.

Shari continued her therapy sessions with Jodi during this time but started to realize Jodi’s manipulation and gaslighting tactics, which started to open her eyes to the true person Jodi Hildebrandt was.

Then, as Shari was on the cusp of leaving for college, Jodi moved into her bedroom for a time. Jodi was getting “possessed by demons” because she was just so righteous and holy and the demons were always attacking her, so Ruby and Kevin wanted to help her. This lady is just so weird, so disturbed, so disgusting to do this in a house with multiple children, but of course Ruby and Kevin just went along with it. Again, I don’t want to hear any pity parties coming from this man, knowing he was doing this with his wife at the expense of his children.

Shari also details how she was getting groomed and preyed upon by an older, married Mormon man who she sought refuge from her family with. She helped him with a social media marketing job and they became closer as she discussed her personal life with him. Soon enough, this man started to sexually and emotionally abuse Shari, which is all the fault of her parents because they became unreliable to talk to, in Shari’s eyes. Just heartbreaking stuff.

Part 4: Mankind Beset by Devils

“What would happen if I actually stood up to my mother? I wondered, my stomach churning with fear at the thought. But I knew the answer. Ruby had the power to turn my siblings against me, to cut me off from the only people in the world who also understood the insanity of our upbringing. And she would pull that trigger without a second thought.”

It’s hard to read this section because Shari describes the disintegration of her family unit as Jodi became more involved with Ruby—even romantically, it seems to be insinuated. The older man Shari was abused by continued to be a thorn in her life, grooming her and trying to isolate her from other people, as well. Again, it’s infuriating to know that this happened because her parents had failed to protect Shari, which led her to run into the arms of a predator.

Jodi had started to drive a wedge between Ruby and Kevin due to Kevin’s perceived “lustfulness” and “adultery.” Jodi’s pattern of behavior makes me wonder if she was a closeted lesbian this whole time, who enjoyed destroying marriages so that she could have the wife all to herself.

Shari was getting more and more isolated from her family during this time, even from Chad. Thankfully, she find refuge with a friendly family, the Haymonds, who treated Shari like their own daughter while the Frankes fell apart completely due to Jodi’s influence. Shari also started seeing a new therapist who helped her realize that she’s been dealing with abuse her entire life.

Ruby portrayed herself to be a victim, all while abusing her children. She even had the gall to compare her “suffering” to Christ on the cross, which just goes to show the audacity of this woman. It also serves as proof that someone like this needs urgent and intensive rehabilitation before being released into society again. A person like this should have never had children. She should have never received social media attention with her vlogging because it only worsened her situation, showcasing the monster she truly was to the whole world.

Part 5: Fall of the Damned

Even as Shari tried to get the attention of Utah’s CPS and police, knowing that her younger siblings were in danger, the authorities did nothing to help because there was no proof of physical abuse. Even though Ruby was online, talking about her draconian punishments against her younger children, that still wasn’t enough to warrant intervention.

All of the adults around these kids completely failed. Every single one of them, from Ruby to Kevin to even Ruby’s vlogging sisters who saw Ruby’s erratic behavior and didn’t do anything to help the children stuck in that abusive situation. I think any adult should step in when child abuse is involved, yet these people failed time and time again.

Once again, I’m pretty sure Ruby’s youngest children were on the path to a cruel death at the hands of their mother. In Ruby’s diaries, she would detail how she would deprive these kids of food, water, medical care because they were “possessed by demons.” This is just horrific, awful stuff and I can’t believe no one stepped in. No one stepped in until that poor boy escaped that torture house with duct tape around his limbs and got help from a neighbor. He was malnourished, with wounds around his body, and Jodi and Ruby had been applying a honey and cayenne pepper mixture to these wounds. Again, why this wasn’t treated as attempted murder is beyond me.

The book ends with Ruby’s arrest, the aftermath, the trial and sentencing of the two women. Shari clearly still has a lot of love for her father, despite everything, because he’s portrayed in a very positive light near the end. I’m not buying this man’s innocence, but that’s besides the point.

Shari and her siblings are finally freed from their mother’s grasp. Jodi and Ruby are rightfully in jail where they will hopefully be spending a very long time. And the Franke children can now begin the long path to healing in a safer environment, away from a mother who only ever wanted to tear them down.

Final Thoughts

Deep down, I truly think that Ruby Franke, and women like her, should not be mothers. They never should have been mothers. Ruby’s personality is too at-odds with what it means to be a nurturing, empathetic, kind mother. All in all, it seems that this woman was only after fame, money, fortune, and enabling. She desperately wanted someone to understand her method of parenting and she found her sick, twisted partner-in-crime in Jodi Hildebrandt.

It’s deplorable what these two women have done to these children. It’s sickening that these women will probably never truly apologize or feel bad for what they’ve done—because they still believe that they’re victims and that they’re in the right. I would love to see some honest change in people like this, but I’m not holding my breath.

I have a lot of thoughts and critiques on the Mormon faith as a whole. I feel as if Mormonism had a deep role to play in how everything played out in these people’s lives, from the vlogging to the parenting tactics to Ruby believing her children have been “possessed” and she has the authority to expel the demons. There’s a lot of strangeness in this denomination and I’m hesitant to even call them Christians, but that’s a post for another day.

I’m relieved that the children in this case were saved and are out of harm’s way.

I’m skeptical and critical of anyone who heavily documents their children’s lives for monetary gain. There should be more laws about this because these children are getting exploited for content, which will have long-lasting and detrimental effects on their development, I’m sure.

And finally, I really hope that one day, family vloggers will no longer exist.

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